Staying Standoffish !!!!

Embedding my throes here does not avow that I am inviting everyboby here to lookup my anxieties, emotions or to attract any sort of empathies .... I feel like keying down here (atleast it hushes me for few minutes), so that in future when ever i feel like scanning my past , it should be easily accessible from anywhere....
And there is no mealfeasance in doing this... is it?

Yours Truly

Abhit

Woebegone !!!!

I am trying my utmost to get out of this, but totally helpless. I don’t want to share with anyone, want to assimilate this toxin alone, may be life wants to convey me something. Moi totally a dumb ass don’t have any clue what I am supposed to do further... Hunting for the legitimate and illegitimate, conventional and unconventional reasons, but so far I have not encountered with fruition. This melancholic force is increasing exponentially, and don’t know when I will finally hit the abyss... Presently I am getting swayed because of the Faith force that is pushing me up at times, but the melancholic force that’s dragging me down is gaining more and more gravitational force day by day. And as per Buoyancy I will be floating only when the upward thrust is more than the downward thrust…. The day Melancholic devil is trying hard to make the Faith angel dilapidated, I will get totally thwacked in the quagmire...
But In a corner somewhere, I can smell I will unfurl the victory flag one day.....Lets my fingers crossed for that.. Ammen

Yours Truly
Abhit

Feeling Aboulia!!!

It’s been two weeks since I am beset by "ABOULIA", some says its mental illness, and some adds it as absence of will power... I think it’s logically AND of the above two in my case....
I have been ransacking hard to figure out why I am feeling LOW, but everytime in soliloquies, my inner conscience never quenched me...... Most of the time I indulge myself in fond reverie which is totally ridiculous; engrossed in totally unhealthy activities don’t have any clue how much I can handle it; kept on calculating the no of revolutions/min of my Room’s fan; thinking of approaching psychoanalyst but then stopped my nerves, as what I am going to tell him; don’t feel like doing anything productive; myself don’t have any clue what’s making me feel that; Felling like I have treating like a scapegoat in situations ; I reloaded my brain with my past two weeks activities, so that I can lookup the reason, but everytime it returned a VOID; A while loop which does not have a terminating condition and finally ended in stack overflow; Thought that I would share this with someone but then dropped the idea because myself will invite them for their source of mockery; dialed mumma’s cell, so that I can share with her, but most of the times disconnected, with a thought of bothering them; Tried to share with my GF, but then she wont sleep at all. I feel like letting out this frustration from me, so thought of keying it down here……

Yours Truly
Abhit