Thats my plight

I used to be the one who always preferred to stay solitary, and I used to get happy with my soliloquy . But now that silence kills me, the silence around me makes my heart and brain thumping , and when there is a silence in the air,I just can't shut my eyes, the ear rings continuously and brain thumps heavily. I don't know what wrong I had done in this life that I am.... 

The use of Rubber

I don't know some times I literally feel that I was bloody idiot who insanely takes utmost pain in solving others problems or helping them some way... So its like when my purpose gets over, they just forget  like I never existed.  I have been rubbered most of the times, when I am not there, there is a huge risk, and people just don't want to take that risk that's why I have been ransacked , pleaded and asked to help them.
And see today when I have so many pains, so many worries, so many agonies there is literal no one to ask., every body is enjoying in their own world , and all mighty I still LOOK UP and ASK YOU Everytime when every it throbs DO I REALLY DESERVE THIS?

Yours Truly
Abhit

Huhhhhhhhhh

Pain asks Wealth: "Wealth you are so lucky that everyone wants you, but see my plight no one needs me and every one just run away from me".
Wealth replies: " Pain you the most lucky that whenever you catches some one, they always remembers their loved ones the most, but see my plight after getting me people usually forget their loved ones" :)

Abhit

The Mistakes...

They say what ever malign/ benign you do on this earth, it gets settled here only... You don't have to wait for the life to get over to see whether you will get hell or heaven. I very much accord this..
After all I am a human being , I too did mistakes in my life, but rather than repenting I just made sure that where ever I had made those mistakes , I  somehow got it equilibrate with benevolence. 

I had been given enough punishments by YOU and trust me Omniscient I had happily accepted those rather than cursing YOU. But don't You feel that Your cycle of wrath over me is never ending.. Many things happened, I just knelled down in front of You with misty eyes, with a hope that it would get over one day...
Every morning I just open my eyes and just pray atleast not today , but year by year You rather than removing those things has brought more and more pains to me... I am totally tapped out of all sort of energies to bear those, I just call it QUIT... If You really want to punish me why don't YOU just take the hardest step and finish it over.. I just can;t handle these silent pains. 

Yours Truly,

Abhit

I dont deserve that

I don't know myself that "Do I really deserve this plight ?" .  Year by year its deteriorating and I can see myself going to other part of life... About brain it just doesn't work anymore, it pains , I can't gaze at anything for long, hands tremble to do somethings, feet are in catch-22 situation , and what else left in me to get over.. I know  You have given me many things, but You were never stayed back also in taking them back or adjusting in some other way... All I can just plead in front of you , please STOP it , Really Please STOP It GOD , its really too much and I raise my Hands please please, I am not even asking You to give me strength to bear those sufferings, because its not at all helping also.. Please please please........